


100% Maximum Zwei: Ultimate Doggo Zwei

by Adeline_Wrights_Fanfiction



Category: RWBY
Genre: F/F, I haven't written nonsense like this in over a decade, an actual shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21695452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adeline_Wrights_Fanfiction/pseuds/Adeline_Wrights_Fanfiction
Summary: Ruby Rose has a collection to complete. All that stands in her way is her wife and her wallet.
Relationships: Ruby Rose/Weiss Schnee
Comments: 5
Kudos: 53





	100% Maximum Zwei: Ultimate Doggo Zwei

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RedVelvetLadybug](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedVelvetLadybug/gifts).



> This story was prompted by and dedicated to RedVelvetLadybug, whose mind for nonsense knows only the furthest reaches of human sanity. I hope they enjoy this because I honestly have no idea how to gauge what I just wrote.

Weiss didn’t have the faintest fucking clue what she was doing, and judging from the almost agonized looks of dubious concentration on Ruby’s face, neither did she.

“I don’t understand what the big deal is, Ruby. You have a million of these things already.”

Weiss made a wide, sweeping gesture to their entire living room, its walls trimmed from end to end with a neatly fitted shelf of custom-made Zwei plushies. There was Classic Zwei, of course. He was the first. (“The second!” Ruby would insist, with the actual Zwei barking happily from some corner of the house.) But there was also Caped Crusader Zwei, Red Like Roses Zwei, and – Weiss’s reluctantly admitted favorite – Zweiss Schnee, which Ruby had made as an April Fool’s gift for Weiss shortly after their honeymoon.

“I only have ninety-nine, Weiss! I need one more so that, with Zwei included —” Ruby made the gesture of the cross with her right hand as she invoked his name — “ _with Zwei included_ , we’ll finally have one-hundred and one doggo friends!”

There was no possible course but to sigh in exasperation. “Ruby, you dolt, we only need _one_ 'doggo friend'!” Turning towards the sound of their stubby little corgi barrelling down the hall, Weiss continued, her voice turning to coos and kisses as she wrapped the adorable ball of fluff in her arms. “And there he is, oh yes he is! Zwei is going to outlive us all, and we have the finest Atlesian technology to ensure it!”

“Weiss,” Ruby whined, “Zwei can’t be a zombodog. Nobody can live forever. Even if they are the cutest thing in all of Remnant…”

Zwei pounced from Weiss’s arms into Ruby’s as she scratched beneath his chin, covering her face in tiny dog kisses.

“Ew, blech, Zwei! Not my nose! _Not mgy nozpfe!_ ”

Weiss’s laughter echoed through the Rose household as she pried the overly affectionate corgi from poor Ruby’s grasp.

“See, Ruby? One Zwei is more than plenty.”

Sputtering and wiping at her mouth, Ruby was quick as she could to counter. This, admittedly, was not the famous ‘Ruby Quick’.

“One more, Weiss. Just one moooore.” Ruby looked to the holographic display featuring a tentatively titled ‘100% Maximum Zwei: Ultimate Doggo Zwei’.

“Remind me again why Zwei’s name appears twice?” Weiss asked flatly.

“Becaaaauuuse,” Ruby whined again. “It’s not anime enough if it’s not a dragon dragon.”

“You are such a weeb,” Weiss teased.

Ruby stuck her tongue out playfully. “And you love me for it.”

Weiss pinched Ruby’s tongue between her thumb and forefinger. “You’re an absolute dolt. And yes, Ruby Rose. I love you for it.”

Ruby’s protests died on her tongue, captive as it were in Weiss’s grasp. “YknwZwgthstngnsdmmthyh?”

Weiss released Ruby’s tongue so she could speak like an actual human being. “Mind repeating that for me?”

“I said, ‘You know Zwei got his tongue inside my mouth, yeah?’ So, like, you holding my tongue is double the drool.”

She blinked once, then twice, then turned towards the nearest bathroom to wash her hands. “That is so disgusting,” Ruby could hear her wife muttering from down the hall.

“You’re the one who grabbed my tongue!”

Only the sounds of another long, exasperated sigh could be heard as Weiss returned. Once all three ( _with Zwei included_ ) were seated at their computer terminal, Weiss stared helplessly at the haphazard digital sketches of Ruby’s Ultimate Doggo designs-to-be.

Weiss didn’t have the faintest fucking clue what she was doing, and judging from the almost agonized looks of dubious concentration on Ruby’s face, neither did she.


End file.
